Ready for Change

I know y’all don’t know me… my name is Vanessa and I am a mom, wife and a SAHM. I am about to rejoin the work force but I don’t think that people realize how much a stay at home parent loses. We wouldn’t change the chance to be with our kids for anything but it is easy to get depressed, to put yourself last or/and lose your identity.

I was definitely depressed, the depression led me to letting the housework pile up and even on my good days I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know where to start so … back to bed and more depressed!! It is hard. Luckily my husband is understanding and would be like get to it when you get to it or would do it himself on his days off.

So how did I get out of the slump? Well my sister moved near me and where she is staying has a pool. My daughter is six so she is addicted to snap chat!! I took a picture of us together and I liked how that picture looked. Then I took a few of myself and for the first time in my life I felt… HOT!! I liked the picture I was looking at!! I liked me. Had to be the filters right? Right, at first. So I really looked at the filter I was using… didn’t change the shape of my face.. didn’t add ears or teeth… it smoothed my face and added fake lashes. Soooo I went to the mirror. Bags under my eyes and my face is blotchy but other than that… I am not ugly. I know this doesn’t make sense but I have been putting myself down for year so this was a revelation!

So looking in the mirror I stepped back… I like my arms, I love my chest!! (So lucky I was blessed with awesome boobs) then I take another step back… there it was… the awful, ugly, gross stomach. I got over loving myself pretty quickly! Took a shower, looked at my stomach and said NO! I don’t have to hate me because my stomach isn’t flat. So I decided right then and there to diet and exercise! I will earn that flat tummy if it kills me!! (Down ten pounds already)

So as any girl would I went to my room and messaged my sister who of course joined in! Then I went to grab pajamas… y’all I started looking through my dresser and I hated everything I saw! I don’t wear clothes to feel beautiful or that make me happy. I dress to hide my stomach. I wear what I have owned forever. I wear what is safe and baggy and not at all me!

It took one Snapchat picture for me to realize I am pretty. I deserve to take the time and work out and work on me. I should buy clothes that make me happy and more confident!! I ordered Ipsy to learn about makeup. I started the Keto diet and I work out daily… now waiting for my safe clothes to get loose so I can go shopping! I am happy, I have more energy and I am loving me! House is still dirty but it is much better than it was, and I am excited to start this journey to discover who I am!! I am a mom, I am a wife, I am about to be a dispatcher but I am also Vanessa and that is pretty cool!!

To Old To Be Chasing Dreams

When I was a kid I always wanted to be a police officer. My first husband didn’t think this was a “woman’s job” and things got put on the back burner. Just like many others the second I looked away from my dream years passed and life happened. Currently I am a stay at home mom, my gorgeous daughter is 6 and attending school so I have been thinking about going back to work. My current husband is much more supportive and wants me to do something I find fulfilling and is in no rush for me to go back to work. This past week I was looking over job openings and thinking about what I would like to do, I had been a corrections officer in the past and while looking though County job postings I saw one for police officer. I am currently 32 years old, way out of shape and to old to be chasing childhood dreams…. right? I just couldn’t get that listing out of my mind, so I have decided to take the summer and try to get in shape. If I can discipline myself for one summer, lose some weigh and try to get into shape, I am going to reward myself by paying for the police academy.

How do I do this?

Being at home with my daughter is so rewarding but let’s just say discipline for myself hasn’t ever been a concern. I have spent the last few years focused on a tiny human. I am not at all blaming her (I was never all that in shape to begin with) but I honestly have no idea where to start! So taking a page from my mommy play book I have decided to make a LOT of small attainable goals instead of jumping in and burning out. Which happens often I am told! So I looked up all the requirements and I think I will start with the being able to run for 2 miles! People I don’t run! If you see me running you should probably start running too! So how do I do this?

The Plan

Okay so here is my idea. For the next two weeks I am going to walk 2 hours everyday! That to most people doesn’t seem difficult but to someone who hides in her home and avoids the outside world this is a huge task! I will keep myself honest by writing a blog about my walking routine and one more little thing, I live in Texas and it is summer time! Sooooo I have to give up soda. I am a Dr. Pepper addict! I am drinking a Dr. Pepper as I am writing this. So NO soda and devote two hours everyday to walking. Not impossible, nothing crazy, but I will say I am not looking forward to the next two weeks!

Pray for me!!

Moms Helping Moms

So the most common thing I hear or see lately are memes saying it takes a village to raise a child. Luckily I have always had someone I could rely on to watch my daughter while I worked, to help with food if we were low to get me to that next paycheck or to call in the middle of the night and ask questions if I felt something wasn’t right with my child.

I read something today, not sure if it was real news or something made up but it really got me thinking. It was about a mom who didn’t have the support system like I had. Didn’t have people to help her. It really got me thinking. How would I have done it without family and friends there when I needed them.

The truth is some moms just don’t. It made me want to do something! I got a lot of help along the way and now I want to help when I can too! I am thinking of starting a Facebook page or nonprofit that helps parents. They can swap clothes (how many of us moms or dads have bags or boxes of clothes our child no longer fits in but don’t just want to throw them away?), help out with some food when someone is running a little low and need help to get to that next paycheck, can donate diapers that their child no longer fits in but they opened the pack so they can’t return them, to give advice when someone needs parenting help, to support each other!

So I wanted others opinions… do you think I should start something like this? Do you think anyone would feel the way I do and want to help? I know food stamps are out there and government programs but food stamps don’t buy diapers and clothes. Some people don’t qualify…. I don’t know… what do you think?

Is Romance Just in Movies? If

Romantic movies have women dreaming about dancing in the rain, bubble baths by candlelight and the perfect man sweeping them off their feet. I honestly think this is why men aren’t more romantic! How can they compete! If a guy makes you soup when you are sick you don’t deem this as romantic… when a guy opens a door for you it is expected! So has the romance died??

Honestly I don’t think it has, I think we as women should give good guys a break! My husband was the most unromantic man I had ever met, until I watched him. I mean he still doesn’t think of buying me flowers just because it is Tuesday and he doesn’t give me random massages without wanting sex but I realized he does do the sweetest things for me all the time! Stuff I didn’t even notice.

Redefining Romance

My daughter and I were planning to go on a road trip to visit my father and younger sister in North Carolina. I packed up and left. I didn’t even think twice about him checking the tire pressure, having my oil changed or refilling other fluid things in my car. He knows more about cars, why wouldn’t he take care of those things, right? Wrong. I could have taken my car to a garage and had them do all those things, but he wanted to do it. He wanted to know that the car was okay before his wife (wife to be at the time) and daughter were safe. That he did everything that he could so I didn’t have to take my mind off of the excitement of going to see my family… that is pretty romantic if you think about it.

I am a stay at home mom but most weekends my husband will BBQ so that I don’t have to worry about cooking and doing dishes… that is pretty awesome.

We decided on a $150 spending limit for Christmas this year. He went out and totally blew the budget. He bought me a computer for all the online work that I like to do. I was wanting a camera for my blogs but he knew that I enjoyed working on a desktop computer… that was above and beyond!

Maybe it isn’t that romance is dead maybe it is how we define it. Fancy dinners are great. Dates are nice… but the small things that we sometimes don’t even think about can mean so much. Maybe romance is putting down your phones and having a movie night cuddling on the couch and not what he spends. Ladies you want to feel special and important but sometimes they are saying it in a way that isn’t so LOUD.  So ladies lets just take the time to watch our men! I promise they are showing you in more ways than you think that they love you, that they care and that they treasure you.

My Week As A 1950s Housewife

So last week I challenged myself to spend a week as a 1950s housewife to see if it would help with my anxiety and depression. So this is the list of things that my husband and I agreed too. He didn’t want to seem like an asshole by making me do any of this. Once I assured him that I wanted to do this, we went through a list of 1950s wives expectations and agreed to these.

1. Have dinner ready when husband got home from work
2. Prepare yourself (touch up makeup/be fresh looking)
3. Clear the clutter, make sure everything is clean when he gets home
4. Be happy to see him, keep the mood light and do not overwhelm him with complaints when he first walks through the door.
5. Give him at least 15 minutes to decompress. Have the children quiet and let him sit and relax.

None of these sound that difficult and I was so excited to start my week. Though as you remember from my last post I hadn’t cleaned my house at all since returning home from the hospital five days before! So lets see how my week went!!

Day One

Things I need to do today. Take daughter to school, clean bedroom, clean kitchen, do laundry, clean living room, take down Christmas tree (no judgement), clean dining room, clean both downstairs bathrooms and sweep the house. I need to go to the thrift store, make dinner and take care of my daughter (to and from school and homework). I woke up and got my daughter ready for school. I had slept so good that I didn’t want to get up with the first alarm. I got her to school in time for breakfast and since I am still taking medicine I had breakfast myself. Then I spent FIVE hours cleaning my bedroom!! None of the rest of the house got clean. I did get to the thrift store like I planned. When I picked my daughter up from school the teacher said she had such a good day that I treated her and my niece to Sonic and watched a movie she got for Christmas as a reward… well after all that work in the morning I fell asleep during the movie. I woke up to my husband laying at the foot of the bed finishing the movie with the girls. So I failed miserably today! I didn’t accomplish hardly any of my to do list and dinner wasn’t ready when my husband got home. As for my mood when I think about today I am happy that my room is in order and I am more determined to not fail tomorrow. So I am not sure that this is helping yet but I am more determined to make it work.

Day 2

Day two was in my opinion much better than day one. My wonderful niece spent the night last night and decided to wash all of the dishes! So of course this morning I got my daughter up and off to school and just spent one on one time with my niece. Then I tackled ALL of the laundry, seven loads later, I only have one more load of my daughters laundry to fold and that is it! Then I put away all my dishes away when my sister in law came to pick up her daughter. She leaned against a counter but I felt like the chore just when by faster with her there. Then we chatted while she used my husbands laptop to order some things online. After she left I wiped down the kitchen and made dinner. Then I fed and bathed my daughter and cleaned the bathroom while she talked about her day. Then she went to her room to watch Ninja Turtles (Donatello is her boyfriend, you know). So when my husband got home he found me in our room with our dinner on a tray table and his favorite show all ready for him. The smile on his face said it all. He peeled out of his boots and sighed as he sank in bed with his hot dinner in front of him. Of course in the 50s they always ate at the table but trust me he didn’t mind a bit, but dinner in bed wasn’t the only surprise I had in store for him. Ladies I also made him a large batch of chocolate chip cookies. So even though the entire house wasn’t finished I was still very pleased with how I did today. As for my depression I actually cannot wait for tomorrow! I look forward to finishing my house work and I want to surprise my husband again. I feel like I did a great job and he appreciated my effort. So could this be working??

Day 3

So today I did pick up some more of this messy house, though I am far from finished. I put on real clothes today and took cookies to my Mother in law. Then I picked my daughter up from school and spent time with her. I worked on a brand new dinner. I had everything set up for my husband to shower right after dinner. Once he finished that it was straight to bed with a foot rub and I put our daughter to bed so he could relax. I failed yet again as a 1950s wife but I feel really good. I did spend extra time with my daughter and went out of my way to do something extra for my husband who i have been kind of neglecting while my depression was bad. I failed but I really feel like I aced it. Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Day 4

Today was a horrible day!! I took down all of our Christmas decor, paid bills and ran around like crazy. I didn’t get the dishes done from last night and I ordered pizza tonight for dinner. My anxiety is kicking my butt today and I failed hard! Tomorrow I have to finish strong!!

Day 5

So I finally got the entire house clean today. Everything was clean and looking good. I was proud of myself and sure that I had set myself up to finish strong… but then my mother in law called and brought seven yorkie puppies over so that I could take pictures of them for her sites. Well on the way over they managed to puke all over themselves. Seven baths… seven trims… and a lot of pictures later the house is not so clean. Husband came home to McDonalds food that his mother had picked up on her way over and I was exhausted. We spent a few more hours helping her with her dogs and talking, then kept three at our house. At the end of the day we were just all exhausted and ready for bed.

So as you can see I failed miserably as a 1950s house wife. Though I can say that I did find somethings out about my anxiety and depression this week. When I was working to impress or surprise my husband I worked hard and though I didn’t meet all my goals I felt good when I went to bed at night. I think I get so focus on the tasks that I don’t look past it to my family. The chores wore me out but when I was just finishing them so I could cuddle with my daughter or plan something for my husband they didn’t seem so overwhelming or unbearable. I think that from now on I will try to focus more on them then the housework. I have to say the women in the 50s were rock stars because I couldn’t do all they did for just one week! I did learn a lot from this experience and I am looking forward to putting my new knowledge to the test.

Thanks for reading and please comment, like and share!!

The 1950 Housewife Challenge

So I read a post on Facebook not long ago about being a stay at home wife in the 50s. It boasted about women having the house clean, dinner ready, themselves made up like China dolls and quiet children playing on their rooms when their father returned from work. At first I laughed like it was the funniest thing I had heard in my life, I wondered HOW?! Lately it seems like the dishes are breeding and the laundry is turning into an avalanche! I do really well for a while… my house is clean and running like clockwork, then I take a day off and BOOM I am so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to start! I have anxiety and depression, so the second I slip in my “job” I feel like I let my family down, that I am lazy or worthless. Then I spend days in my bed doing the bare minimum which only makes me feel worse and the housework Astronomical!

I find myself in that situation once again, I spent three days in the hospital, so sick I didn’t want to move, now I am home and feeling better but my house is a disaster zone! I don’t know where to begin and I feel like a horrible wife and mother. (My husband constantly tells me this is not true) I don’t know why but today that post popped in my head, I find myself wondering how I would feel changing out of my SAHM “uniform” (sweats or jammies), putting on real clothes, completing all my chores and having dinner ready when my husband gets home. I know I need to clean this mess but maybe I need to find something different to lift my mood and make me feel like I am OWNING this!! So starting tomorrow I am going to attempt being a 50s wife for a week. I will record how I do and if this helps with my mood. Wish me luck!!

Back to the 50s (but I am not wearing a dress… that part of the 50s can stay there!!)

Putting Life Hacks to the Test (3)

Just mentioning the word lice will have your skin crawling and your head itching! Though no one wants to think about them I do have two ways to rid yourself of those horrible pests.

Coca Cola

I know this might sound like a strange way to treat yourself or your child but I have actually tried this and it does work! Pour the cola right onto the scalp, once saturated put on a shower cap and allow to dry completely. Once dry, rinse throughly (you will see bugs and nits rinse right out!), then comb hair with a nit comb.

Coconut Oil

This one takes longer but is an all natural way to get rid of the little buggers! Saturate hair with coconut oil then let set overnight (I used a shower-cap), then use a nit comb in the morning, then wash your hair. It may take a few times to wash out.

Well I hope these help, I like to use these on my daughter more then those crazy chemicals and it works just as good. You treat your house the same way you usually would.

Please comment if there is something you would like for me to put to the test!!